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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25381891">the cultivation of monkshood</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/haechansheaven/pseuds/borage'>borage (haechansheaven)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>oikawa week 2020 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Day 5: Cosplaying a different character, Day 5: Trust, Dreams, Gen, M/M, Minor Hinata Shoyou/Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa Tooru-centric, Oikawa Week 2020, Slice of Life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:20:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,173</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25381891</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/haechansheaven/pseuds/borage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>As a child, Tooru jumps over cracks and picks flowers on his way home to bring home to his mother. For years, the house would be full of beautiful wildflowers that slowly, but surely, would wilt.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>oikawa week 2020 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1832464</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Oikawa Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the cultivation of monkshood</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>for oikawa week, day 5: cosplaying a different character/trust</p>
<p><b>note</b>: a very loose interpretation of the prompt... as in... it is more like oikawa being a different version of himself... oihina if you take a deep breath and think about it a little! and a little trust mixed in, too.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tooru came here to escape the proverbial hands around his neck that seemed to follow him everywhere. For a while, it seemed as if Tooru’s wishes had come true. His first year, with the number nine of his back, he introduced the world to a new possibility: A Tooru Oikawa that could stand on his own two feet.</p>
<p>Cycles are perpetuated, however, if the same wall continues to stand in front of him. Wakatoshi, with his broad shoulders and unfillable grip on victory, continued to pull opportunities from Tooru like plucking petals from a flower. In the end, there’s only one left.</p>
<p>He rolls the stem back and forth between his palms the first morning of his last year. On his desk, his phone buzzes, <em>IWA-CHAN~</em> popping up on the screen. It’s probably somewhat important, but Tooru wants to take his time, savoring this morning and this last opportunity for him to find success. There’s something disheartening of thinking of something as a <em>last chance</em>, but Tooru can’t think of another way to word it.</p>
<p>“Tooru! Hajime is outside waiting for you!” his mother calls through his door. “Don’t keep him waiting too long or you’ll both be late.”</p>
<p>Palms flat against his desk, Tooru stands, bag feeling deceptively light on his shoulder. His things are still kept safe in the club room, though he thinks that maybe he should’ve brought them home on their day off. The door is locked, but something about it still feels unsafe. His mom gazes at him carefully, reading the expression on his face, before smiling.</p>
<p>“It’s your last year,” she says. “Work hard this year, too, Tooru.”</p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p>Tooru wants to promise her that he’ll bring pride to the family with a victory, or that he’ll die trying, but he’s sure that she wouldn’t want to hear that. His mother wants his success, but also wants his safety. <em>Be careful</em>, she always says. <em>Listen to yourself</em>, she always warns. He listens to her and toes the line, shoes constantly scuffing the marks drawn before him.</p>
<p>As a child, Tooru jumps over cracks and picks flowers on his way home to bring home to his mother. For years, the house would be full of beautiful wildflowers that slowly, but surely, would wilt.</p>
<p>“Sorry to keep you waiting,” Tooru calls, closing the door behind him. Hajime, at the gate, waits with his arms crossed. “Excited for our third year?”</p>
<p>“It just means we’re closer to the real world, doesn’t it? University or getting a job or whatever,” grumbles Hajime, rubbing the back of his neck. “Those are kinda big decisions.”</p>
<p>Tooru laughs, easy-going, like he’s got it all figured out. And, of course he doesn’t. He isn’t even close to knowing what he wants to do next, where he’s going to end up in the end of it all. The bigger picture has never been in Tooru’s vision as a boy and then a teenager and a soon-to-be man who prefers to throw his all into chasing short-term dreams. They’re within his grasp. If Tooru stretches his arm far enough, he can reach the ledge and begin to pull himself up.</p>
<p>“You’re right.” Tooru scuffs his shoes a few times, tapping the tow on the concrete, before shrugging. He should take this whole thing more seriously. Hajime’s already got an idea of where he wants to go, what he wants to do, eyeing a country on the other side of the Pacific Ocean, with a university that can lift him closer towards his goals. “They’re gonna start asking me what I want to do after graduation and I’m gonna have to tell them that I don’t <em>know</em>. Can you believe that?”</p>
<p>“You’re gonna go pro, aren’t you?” Hajime asks it like it’s the most obvious thing in the whole entire world. And maybe, to him, it is. “Or play in university. Whatever you end up doing, you’re gonna succeed in the end no matter what.”</p>
<p>Tooru likes the sound of that—a guaranteed success. It all boils down to the way one <em>defines</em> success in the end, though. Tooru envisions success as achieving number one while Hajime acknowledges it as being able to stand on your own at the next level. Their conflicting visions are what set them apart, even after years of friendship.</p>
<p>“Well, of course I am.” Laughing, Tooru throws his head back, hands on his hips. It starts from the gut, and gets louder and louder until Hajime is slapping him on the shoulder, telling him to, “<em>Shut up or you’re gonna wake up the neighborhood!</em>”</p>
<p>The start of his third year can be something special if Tooru lets it. At a fork in the road, they split off, and Tooru heads off on his own. After all, he is a Tooru Oikawa that has learned to stand on his own two feet without the ace he spent his entire life watching over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>At the start of his third year, everything is the same, and yet there’s a clear air of change that swirls through the building. It feels something like the first inhale of oxygen at the top of a mountain. Amongst rocks and small critters, only the hardiest of flowers survive.</p>
<p>Tooru is Monkshood. It grows at high elevations, and it’s hardy, with resistance to diseases and pests and its toxicity allow for its cultivation as a pleasant flowering plant in a garden. It requires some effort, but not enough that it’s taxing. The more care and consideration, though, the prettier the bloom. Tooru has been carefully cared for, given optimal moisture, sunlight, and pruning. At the high altitudes he thrives.</p>
<p>For nearly six years he’s chased this goal. Thinking of this year as a <em>last chance</em> feels something sad. So he thinks of it as yet another opportunity, instead.</p>
<p>Out the window, the sun is shining and there seems to be no end to good fortune. There’s a breeze and some laughter of students that rush to make it to class before the first bell, and Tooru has a good feeling about this year. Excitement grows in his veins the longer the day stretches on, and even the walk to the clubroom feels fresh and new.</p>
<p>“Yo.”</p>
<p>Turning around at the door, Tooru smiles, taking the key from the outstretched hand. “Yo, Sawamura.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>With his last year comes three new players who shine a little too bright, all in their own ways. Of them all, Shoyou Hinata shines the brightest. It’s something of a solar eclipse in the way that Kei Tsukishima, who arguably could shine just as bright, revolves and ends up behind. Behind them is Tadashi Yamagushi who grows at a rate and with a ferocity that Tooru can understand better than anyone else.</p>
<p>It’s so easy to be swallowed up by their pace, and Tooru finds himself sprinting beside them to keep up. Shoyou is an unpolished diamond in the rough, but his tenacity and inability to accept failure is something that Tooru wants to build more and more and more until there’s no room for him on this earth and he takes to the skies. Tooru will follow him up the mountain and watch him take flight into the sky.</p>
<p>Shoyou, with all the ferocity of a lion cub, calls Tooru the king and promises that this year they’ll succeed. Tooru, despite it all, believes him. Shoyou has that sort of sense about him.</p>
<p>“We’ve <em>got</em> to go to nationals, don’t we?” Shoyou says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “There’s only a few games between us and the national tournament!”</p>
<p>The way he speaks makes everything sound simple. Tooru understands it, though. It certainly is, in words, that simple. In actions, though, it’ll be difficult. With this team, though, maybe it isn’t.</p>
<p>“Right,” Tooru says, hand resting on his hip. “You’re absolutely right about that.”</p>
<p>They practice until the sun has set and the world seems to be a brand new place when they leave the gym, locking the building behind them. There’s still a lot of ways they can grow, but Tooru has a good feeling in his chest as he leaves the school grounds, Hajime already calling him, asking where he is.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Their first go is no luck, though Tooru could feel the sensation of victory on the tips of his fingers. Across the net, Hajime clasps their hands together with a smile and says, “<em>Let’s play again, soon</em>.” Tobio, with a muted sense of awe, stares back before he’s called away. Aoba Johsai loses to Shiratorizawa in the finals, and the unspoken promise of another try rests in the horizon.</p>
<p>There are a hundred things to get done before then, though. As individuals, and as a team, they grown in leaps and bounds and Tooru finds himself beginning to feel an attachment for this team, and a reluctance to let them go. In that sense, he works himself harder and harder and harder until—</p>
<p>“We won’t be able to get anywhere if you’re hurt, you know,” Shimizu says, folding up a towel. “You shouldn’t stay this late every day. It’s not good for your body.”</p>
<p>“Eh?” Tooru asks, forcing a smile on his face. “I won’t stay too long—don’t worry, don’t worry!” He adds on an easy-going wave of his hand that Shimizu sees right through. There’s a moment of hesitation before she nods. “Plus, Suga can always take my spot if we need him too!”</p>
<p>To the side, Koushi wrinkles his brow. “I don’t want to be put in a game because you <em>injured</em> yourself. We need everyone working at full steam for us to make it to nationals!”</p>
<p>Falling silent, Tooru takes a moment to consider the way that a team is a like a garden. There’s variety, and they have their differences, but together, they make something pretty. At the top of a harsh mountain, Tooru doesn’t feel so alone, knowing that they’re all there with him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Staring at the ceiling, the thrum of the fan overpowering the song birds outside his window, Tooru ponders about what a terribly prophetic dream that was. Even here in Argentia, he’s been swallowed up by the sun, all over again. Shoyou Hinata shines brighter than the sun, and Tooru was reminded of it, so quickly, on a beach, playing a game so close to familiar.</p>
<p>Argentina is a new place, and Tooru is a new version of himself. On his beside table, his phone buzzes once, twice, three times before he picks it up, voice still failing to escape past his lips.</p>
<p>“<em>Sorry, sorry, I know it’s pretty early, but I’m leaving soon</em>,” Shoyou says. “<em>I just wanted to call while we’re still close and there aren’t a ton of hours between us, you know?</em>”</p>
<p>Tooru laughs, and it’s dry and hurts his throat a little, so he makes his way to his kitchen as he listens to Shoyou talk about how his day was and how he hopes his day will be. Tooru is indeed Monkshood, blooming at the top of a tall, tall mountain. It’s taken years to exist without hesitation and, now that he has learned how, there are visitors. Some stay longer than others but, as their title implies, their status is transient.</p>
<p>None of them stay for very long, even if they promise. He prefers them to say, “<em>I’ll be back</em>,” rather than, “<em>I’ll never leave.</em>”</p>
<p>Shoyou talks about how much he’ll miss Brazil and the beach, but how excited he is to go back home. Tooru can hear the happiness in his voice to a degree that it’s nearly tangible. He wonders if he’ll sound that excited when he gets to go back home. He isn’t sure.</p>
<p>“<em>I’ll miss being close to you, though</em>,” Shoyou admits.</p>
<p>If Shoyou is the sun, and Tooru is a flower than exists on the top of a mountain, he thinks that they’ll always be far, far, far away from one another. It also means, however, that he will always be so lucky to bask in his sunlight.</p>
<p>“I can only hope that it won’t be too long until we see each other again,” Tooru runs his hand across his counter space, thinking about how much livelier, how much <em>fuller</em>, his life would feel if Shoyou could stay even closer. “I promised to meet you on the world stage, and I’ve never been one to go back on my word.”</p>
<p>“<em>I believe you!</em>” Shoyou laughs, and at the same moment sunlight streams in through his window and settles on the flower pot full of cosmos in the corner. “<em>I trust you</em>.”</p>
<p><em>Well</em>, Tooru thinks. <em>Thank you for that</em>.</p>
<p>This life he lives could have gone differently, and perhaps in another universe it has. This life he lives is his one and only that he knows of, though, and he intends to live it to the fullest, sprinting up the mountain until he, too, must take to the skies and fly.</p>
<p>“Until then,” Tooru says.</p>
<p>“<em>Yeah!</em> <em>Until then!</em>”</p>
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